I haven't used my Xanga in forever. I guess it's time.

Things are bad. I'm not going to KU next year. I need to get some things worked out first. I don't care much about school anymore, money is INCREDIBLY tight, etc. I need a break, I need to pay some bills off, I need to get my direction back.

Money is TERRIBLE. About a year and a half ago I bought Cody a computer, and about eight months ago I put Jason on my cell phone plan. Of course, after a couple months, both of them stopped paying me what they owed me. The computer was originally like $1400, but the balance on the account is now OVER $2000 because I can't afford to make the payments. It's been turned over to collections...my credit is COMPLETELY shot now. Minimum payments are insane. The phone? yeah, I can barely keep my phone turned on because I can't afford to pay the account balance each month. I can cancel it but I'll be slapped with a $200 fee for that. I don't know what to do.

Why do I do these things for people, and why can people not live up to their debts and promises?

Anyway....

Work is going ok. I'm slowly working my way up. If I can get promoted at some point, I'll make a ton more money, but it'd also require me to switch stores. It may be a long-term goal, or it may happen relatively soon. Who knows? It's so random with that kind of thing. We'll see what happens, but I'll keep doing my best.

I'm just kind of down-and-out lately. I've been sick a lot, too.

I'm still looking for a third roommate for next year. If anyone still reads this and knows ANYONE who needs a place to live starting in August, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. It's a huge huge problem right now...

I was on a delivery today to the Holidome. The person that answered the room door recognized me, shouted my name, and then introduced me to everyone in the room as "Cody Quintero's ex-boyfriend".

Being introduced as someone's ex is definitely not the best way to meet people, because it's insanely awkward. Oh well.

So glad this semester is almost over. I'm going to BOMB it, though. I'm getting ready to say hello to Academic Probation! Yay, a new friend.

I had my shift-manager interviews earlier this week; I should hear the decision by Monday. I could use the raise. I'd make the same while driving (which is fine, it's good money with tips) and make a lot more when I stay in-store than I do now. Granted, I'd still make more driving I think, which is sad, but it's still an improvement. Better than the bad pay I've gotten working in the store a few nights a week.

Life's a little confusing in general and not going so well. I really think I just need to finish school and get out of here. I'm not sure where I'll go, but I think this isn't the place for me. I remember when I thought Lawrence was going to be my rebirth  - I expected it to be amazing, to help me change everything in my life for the better. Instead, things have gone further and further downhill. Interesting, I guess.

I got a Nintendo Wii last week and it's amazing. So much fun.

Okay, guess I'll try to get some sleep. Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm doing a little better today.

Last night I was planning to stay at home and be miserable, but Kyle texted me at midnight saying I needed to come to Liquid because he was probably going to need a ride home (yay for drinking). So I headed over there and hung out with Michelle (from Presto, not my roomie), Kyle, and Shakerah. The natives dressed up for Halloween and they looked GREAT....Bronscon dressed up as a female naughty cop and it was HOT. I wanted to do him. hahaha. 

A friend of Michelle's was with her, and she described him as "the sweetest guy in the world"...then stopped mid-sentence, looked at me, and had an epiphany...and decided to introduce us.

You could say we hit it off.

We'll see how that goes....but it made me feel good, at least, having a guy talk to me and be interested in me for more than just sex. Heh. It's been awhile since I've felt much of a connection with someone, and the last couple I thought I had a connection with...well, it turns out we didn't. To say the least.

Anyway...yeah. I guess I'm doing better. Things are mostly still horrible with finances and other stuff, but when aren't they? Yeah, it's worse than usual, but I always make it through SOMEHOW, with major just a few dings on my once-great credit...haha. Yeah...

We'll see how things go, anyway.

Okay.

So...let's touch on a few things.

FINANCES:
I need to have about $2000 in my bank account to get me through to my next set of student loans in January. Right now I have about $300-400. Yeah. I'm making about $400/month. Yeah. My bills are around $1,000/month. Yeah. I have no idea what I am going to do. I can't really work more hours because I'm already working 5-6 days a week. I could possibly close a bit more but then school would suffer even more....and it's not really an issue of hours, it's what I'm scheduled to do. If I drive I make double what I do doing anything else, but I keep getting stuck serving or working the game stands. I've tried to swap some shifts but no one wants to part with driving hours. I really don't know what solution I can take.

WORK (BESIDES FINANCES):
It's getting slightly better but the financial issues are huge.

SCHOOL:
I'm fucking up royally. I missed a ton of classes from being sick for two weeks, I don't study enough (I never have the energy by the time I get off work), and my grades so far have been so-so. I think I can pull most of it off but some of my classes are "automatically fail once you have X amount of absences" and I think I'm really damn close in one of them. It's not good. I also don't know what to do about my major - whether to stick with Psychology just to get a degree, or switch to something else - although everything I can easily switch to is about as worthless as psychology is (without grad school).

LOVE LIFE:
......HAHA. So bad. I've met several people and had a bunch interested in me but for the most part they all felt lacking to me. Something just wasn't there. So the other day I had a date and the more I've reflected on it the more I was excited about it. I was really looking forward to getting to know this guy and seeing what happened. He was sweet, fun, stable, could support himself, and so on. Then today, I find out from him that in the past there was a miscommunication between him and someone about their romantic status that caused problems, but now they realized it was a miscommunication and he wants to get back with them. So...I'm out of the picture. The first time I've been excited about a guy in a long time and this happens.

I'm just so tired of nothing working out. Finances? I paid off my car in August and thought it'd be smooth sailing, but it's as bad as ever. Work? Doesn't ever change. School? No matter what I tell myself, I never am able to try any harder than the semester before, and I can't seem to motivate myself to do so for more than a few weeks. Love life? I can go through one boy or twenty boys a month and it always ends in tragedy or stupidity or frustration or regret.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Every area of my life is pretty fucked up and none of them have an easy fix, or even a fix at all. Whether I've "made my own bed to lie in" or not (depending on the situation), I'm now royally fucked and can't really get out of the situations. It's not good...and I'm about to the breaking point.

I don't know what to do anymore.